Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Old Crushes keep haunting . . . . . . .

There are times in everyone’s life when you like someone very much, but you just can’t hit it off the way you wanted, after you’ve met her for the first time.

It’s like you have introduced yourself to her once,
But just can't get through the initial fear of talking freely with her, when you meet her again for the second time or in my case the third and the fourth. And from then onwards it’s just the smile and the “Hi”. That's the best you can do.

Then you feel this person is unlike the ordinary girls you meet up with, whom you talk to very freely and hit it off well. You feel this person is special, or even more, like in my case you feel you are in love with her and so you have a hard time talking freely with that person.

It’s like when she is around you heart misses a beat and you glance at her and when she glances back at you, all you manage is a sheepish smile and pretend to look away (in my case at my watch). At least that's what's has happened with me a lot of times.

It’s very frustrating because you want to talk to her and get to know the person well, but you get the creeps the minute you see her. Again it’s in my case at least.

And because u don't talk to her or fail to do so, you keep thinking about her and that's what drives you crazy and the enigma of the person increases.

It’s like what’s with me and this girl. Why can’t I talk to her? Does she like me or not? Well that question probably never gets answered.

After some time, after you are too chicken to talk to her, after “I am going to talk to her this time” promises to yourself, the “HI’s” you used to get from her, dry up and the smiles are the next casualty.

As time passes, when you pass her it’s like you are back to square one and it seems that we don't even know each other. End of story.... probably.

And if this entire episode has been witnessed by your friends, then.... start of a new story.

You are a dead man, might not be, but you certainly are a loser. Your friends are convinced that she and you are made for each other and the word spreads. And every time she approaches, there are whispers, or even shouts (in my case) “there comes your girl “. And now you ought to know by now that this girl has been tagged.

“Tagging” is the act of linking a person with another, even if the boy has talked with the girl once or twice,
And that's it. The girl’s name will be linked with you every time any of you friend sees her, even if she’s married, and has two kids. She is still going to be your girl. And you can’t do a damn about it.

Its been months since you have blown away your chances with this girl and a many more, with whom you once dreamed of being with, but ever time she passes, some one or the other is gonna pass a comment or call your name loudly to get the girl's attention towards you, or worst (my case), call the girl's name with you name. It’s like a song they make up about you and her, yeah those bastards; who are your friends. And then you think that you are better off with your foes.

The girl by the time must have made a strange image of you in her mind, chicken, asshole, sissy etc.
She must be thinking, what went wrong? He was supposed to be a nice guy and now he doesn't even talk to me and his friends are playing cupid!

All you are left with is the sweet memories of her and
Ofcourse, your friends. You are at a stage where you are trying to forget this girl and get on with your life but every time she’s approaching, you get reports like, “she's coming”,” she was looking at you” , ”  did you see her smile  “, yes indeed she was smiling, no, laughing at me and my stupid friends. “Well thanks guys!” you say, when she starts to avoid even passing next to you or your stupid posse. But friends will still refer to her as “your girl” and will never let you forget her completely.

Even when you have graduated or years have passed, news about her trickles down to you, “She topped her class” , “ She’s going abroad” ,”She’s got a car “, “ She’s earning loads of money” thanks guys ,for your loyalty and your Intel . It’s like 3 years and they still manage to get some news about her to me. Great guys! Who’s your source, definitely not the CIA, after 9/11!

After all that time I was trying to forget her and so many girls after her, I still manage to know how she’s faring.
That gets me thinking about her and I start digging in, to get more info, and just to act casual,  say things like “ good for her” trying not to attract suspicion, that I do miss her.

Guys, will you give me a break from your reporting, not just about her but about all the girls who I am trying to forget.

Thanks guys! What did u say?  She’s coming back, When?

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